As a transgender woman, my online trans dating relationships are very complicated. I have accounts on Tinder, OKcupid, Transdr, and so on. Therefore, I had numerous messages from each app. Number can totally alter your chances of getting a date.
Since my transition in 2014, I have never given positive reactions to people who ever hit up on me in real life, because I have yet to master the art to tell them that we have same genitals. In the past several years, transdr has been the gate for me to communicate with people.
As a transgender woman who is seeking date online, I always make sure they know that I am a transgender woman. In this way, it can prevent waste of time. Cases show that when transgender women are exposed of their identification by anti-transgender people, they are more likely to get hurt or even killed. Therefore, admitting out identification and keep it completely transparent is a way to prevent us from danger.
When I swipe, send and get messages from ts dating apps and date in real life, I quickly find there are two types of men: transgender fetish and people who are curious about it.
For people who consider me as their fetish: I often get messages from guys who take me as their fetish. They think I am exotic, freaky and interesting. These men want to find some private place or sometimes in their own place, so that they won’t be seen being with me. I did date some of them if you call it a date. There was a guy. He checked every place to make sure no one sees me coming and leaving. The other guy made sure there was no trace of me in his social media. He claimed that he doesn’t have an Instagram account. However, when I accidentally found him on Instagram, he blocked me. Being with these men, I am their dirty little secret. From the beginning, I thought such interaction suits my expectation. However, when my date and I met with someone who we both know in the third date and he still doesn’t know me at all, I cracked down. I saw my date pretending to not know me when he was talking to that person. I realized that I deserve better.
Those who cannot accept my identification. After experienced with too many men who consider me as their fetish, I started to spend time with men who really want to know me. These men think I am attractive, but they become hesitated after knowing that I am a transgender. Being with these men, I think such experience is more than a kind of new sexual experience, but I don’t consider them as relationship material. I know they are more curious about my identification then about myself. We had trouble in our sexual life. One months, later, he came and told me that he couldn’t be with me because he was afraid to alter his orientation.